12 to 1: Director's cut

A couple of weeks ago I asked new high school seniors to give their advice to incoming first-graders on what the next 12 years will be like. I wondered if I’d get much response. It turned out the problem was having enough time to read them all.

We got more than 200 responses to the “12 to 1” project, from schools all over the Charlotte area. A few teachers made it a class assignment; other students wrote in on their own. The first several of these will appear in the printed paper soon; I've added a bunch of other replies here, and will put in more over the next day or two. Some responses are edited for space or clarity. I apologize for all the weird fonts and font sizes -- this was a lot to corral. Feel free to add your own advice in the comments.

Hold on tight

To tell you the truth, I don’t remember starting first grade. I wish I still held those precious memories of the playground, coloring, learning simple math, and good old snack time. All of those memories have been replaced by sports wins, getting my license and fun times with my friends.

Those years, especially the great ones, go by so fast that you will wish you could have held on just a little longer. I mean one day you will wake up and there will be so much hair on your face, so much muscle on your arms, and best of all so much knowledge in your head that you won’t know what to do with it. -- ShaMal Brown, West Meck

Be true to yourself

In the first grade, I was given a chance to be myself, and I failed miserably. My teacher asked the class to draw an animal to represent each of our family members. I chose a cat for my mom, tiger for my brother, and a bear for my dad. The only problem was the bear. I did my best to make every line on the bear perfect. After multiple crumpled up papers of attempted bear drawings, I couldn’t help but to cry and ask my dad to draw the bear for me.

The next day at school, the other students’ drawings were creative and bright with color. Then there were my animals, perfect in every way, but missing color and creativity. I chose trying to turn my pictures into perfection rather than using colors that I liked and represented me. The moral of the story is, first grade is your chance to be creative, different, color outside of the lines, and be yourself. -- Brittany Leffler, Piedmont High (Monroe)

The friends along the way

It’s been a long road to 12th grade and I have lost every friend I have known in elementary but... I found out that the more you lose the better friends you’ll find. I still remember my mom walking me to my first-grade class and as she was giving me my money and kissing me goodbye I cried and begged her to take me back home. But as much as it hurt her to leave me there crying, she knew that I had to learn how to be strong and meet new people. And even though my mom doesn’t walk me to school anymore I think it’s my experiences in elementary that made me who I am in my life now. -- Christian Garcia, West Meck

Love thy naps

Learn to ALWAYS enjoy naptime. You should believe in naps like you would believe in the Bible. Try to take naps religiously. At first I couldn’t fathom the idea of going to sleep in the middle of the afternoon, but the idea of napping soon became second nature to me.

Once I entered higher grade levels, classes and the amount of work I had to do for these classes became so brain tiring. I have stayed up late to do homework and then wake up early to go to school once again. That’s why I am telling you to embrace naptime. Once you get older, you won’t have naptime, but you will wish you did. -- Lauren Brizendin, Piedmont

Savoring the sweet

Half suffocated by my Pikachu costume/death trap, my vision was failing due either to a lack of oxygen or exhaustion after wandering for miles through uncharted neighborhoods. The king-size 3 Musketeers I so desperately craved wasn’t going to find itself…

A few houses later, I decided to give up and began the long walk home. Though I had more than enough candy to last me ’til Easter, I wasn’t satisfied because I didn’t have even a single 3 Musketeers bar to my name.

Noticing the sad look on my face, my dad inquired as to why I was feeling down on my favorite night of the year. “Because Dad, out of all the candy I have, I didn’t get what I wanted.” After I said this, my dad reached into the plastic pumpkin bowl which housed our give-away candy and handed me a king-size 3 Musketeers.

This being said, I only have one piece of advice for first-graders: cherish Halloween and the people who make it possible. Before you know it, you’ll be the one handing out king-size 3 Musketeers instead of receiving them. -- Drew Ryan, Charlotte Catholic (photos below)

Time’s a-wastin’

Time is an object that can’t be controlled but only used. The middle school years will fly by like a bald eagle over the horizon, while freshman year creeps up on you like chickenpox when you’re 6. That tree you see outside in front of the school will grow and blossom 12 times in your educational career, while that bully you see in lunch who bothers you will soon cross that day when he experiences fear. Finally you grow up to be a wonderful senior just like me, who constantly reminisces on old times and wishes being 5 was something he could be. -- Jamil Ali, West Meck

You don’t know what you’ve lost 'til it’s gone

Often as a child people tend to be in a rush to grow up and act older than their age, but as they become adults they wish that they could enter back into their childhood years. Growing up in school I was always anxious to move to the next grade level, in hope that it would be easier and that I would have more fun. But little did I know that as I progressed through school things would get tougher and harder. As I look back, I realize that my elementary and middle school years were the most fun years of my life. -- Aja Purkett, Harding (photos below)

On nerves

I was in a country named Vietnam when I started first grade and I was very nervous. My daddy walked me to school on the first day and he was holding my hand the whole time. After he dropped me off to my class, he hugged me, kissed my forehead, and told me he loved me. He said to always behave myself.

School in Vietnam is so different from schools in America. My school had three classrooms: a kindergarten, a first grade, and a second-grade classroom. It was all built by wood and we had no air conditioning. The classrooms were always very hot. My classroom had one window with no glass and the floor was just dirt. The teachers spanked students that were being bad with a very big ruler.

Being nervous is OK, but try talking to another student. You never know: They might be as nervous as you, maybe more. Everyone needs a good friend, so be one. -- Chi H, West Meck

Embrace your mistakes

When I entered first grade I was 6 years old; now as I enter my last year of high school, I am 17. It feels like just yesterday I was sitting in my uniform at East Elementary learning about the solar system and the state capitals. There was no pressure to fit in, to be thin or to figure out the future; we just simply did what we were told.

I would tell you not to worry about what other people think, to be who you are because nobody really cares. I would warn you that you are going to get your heart broken, but to not let that stop you, to give your all to somebody when they come around because that is how you figure out who you are. But the most important bit of advice I could share with you, little first-grader, is to not give up. Everything is going to go by fast and you are going to be grown up before you know it, so do not be afraid to make mistakes because it is in those mistakes that you find out exactly who you are. -- Shelby Vegoe, North Iredell

I used to know a young girl who was just like you. She was coming into the first grade at a new school and didn’t know anyone. She was even moving to a new state. She was scared. This little girl was me. My mom just moved to Georgia and I was from North Carolina. My mom taught me a few tricks: walking up to a group of girls playing and join in, introduce myself on the playground when they were playing a game that I liked, and just being myself. It worked. I quickly made new friends. First grade became a breeze and flew by because I was able to have so much fun. Be yourself because people will love you for that. But when you are feeling down, just remember Dory’s song from Finding Nemo, “Just keep swimming.” It will be great. I made it all the way to my senior year and so will you. -- Victoria Flowers, West Meck
The start of school is the start of your life, where you start to become an individual, where you meet new people and meet important and meaningful people along the way. 1^st grade is where you start you having your most memorable experiences. It’s hard to leave your parents that you love, but they want the best for you and your future. Have you ever thought about what you wanted to be? A nurse? The President of the USA? A fire-fighter? I remember that I’ve always wanted people when they were hurt. I am now close to reaching my goal and that is because I went to first grade. It inspired me to be the person I am now. You will meet new friends and develop long term friendships that last a life time. When I was in the 2^nd grade I met a friend and for 10 long years we continue to be friends. Amazing, huh? School will be your 2^nd home and what it has to offer us is amazing as a whole. It will fulfill your dreams. You just have to have faith in yourself, and you can go anywhere you want if you just believe in yourself and never give up.

-- Cindy Fuentes-Diaz, West Meck

Back in the day when I was young the first grade seemed like the Boogie Man was becoming real. The Boogie Man, though, is not real, just like the first grade is not going to bite you. My first day in grade school I went the wrong direction and ended up in the fifth grade hallway. No, they did not hit me or laugh at me. One of them actually walked me to my classroom. I was so scared I just about peed my pants, but then I realized that they knew how it felt. At one point in time we were all first graders. So this year along with ones to come, hold your head up high and be who you are, because you belong.

-- Jenny Cornwell, West Meck

Mistakes have no age limit, whether it’s a middle school girl walking into the boy’s bathroom on the first day of school (which was a BIG mistake), or even a high school student spilling her drink in the cafeteria (which isn’t fun either). Anyway, mistakes are just a part of life; you live and you learn, and in the end you always do better! Nobody is perfect, which is why pencils have erasers! So always remember, you can’t learn if you don’t make a mistake. I wish you the best mistakes so that one day, you will be an inspiration to another.

-- Sarah Venn, Piedmont High (Monroe)

Dear First Grader,

Color outside the lines. When I was in First grade my class had to make and color houses. Well I had my mind made up that I was going to make a house made out of chocolate and have it guarded by an army of “Guard Penguins.” When I finished designing my house, I was so proud of it. I showed it to all my friends, and they thought it was the coolest house. When I ran up to show my teacher I expected her to take it and tape it to the wall like the other students’ houses. However, when she saw my house her exact words were “Oh, you didn’t make your house right. When I said your dream house, I meant a real dream house. Sorry.” She then grabbed my drawing and drew what the house should have looked like (according to her standards).

For the next couple of years whenever the class was supposed to create something with our creativity, I asked the teacher each time what it should look like. That was until I reached the fourth grade when the teacher gave me the same advice I am giving you now, “Use your imagination, think outside the box, and color outside the lines. You can make it any way you want to.” Remember this: Don’t live too cautiously, you only live once.

-- Jacob Sechler, Piedmont

Instead of writing a boring letter, I'm going to tell you a story. This is a true story about a girl going into the first grade, and she was scared to go to school. But, why was she scared? Well, she had to make new friends, see a new teacher, and learn a lot of new things. When the first day of school came around, guess what happened to this first-grader: she had a blast! She loved first grade, and she found out that it wasn't so scary after all. Well friends, I was this little girl, and here I am now in 12th grade...with new friends, new teachers, and plenty of new homework. I know going into a new grade may seem scary at first, but try to relax! If you do your homework, listen to your teacher, and be nice to your classmates, trust when I say you will have an awesome year.

-- Aniyah Pendleton, West Meck

I know what you’re thinking, “I don’t want to go to school, I want to stay home and watch cartoons with my mommy.” I felt the same way when it was my turn to start school, but look at me now. I’m a senior in high school. My school years are almost over! As you look toward school it may seem like forever and a day to finish it all. But when you get to my point and look back on it, going to school was the best time of my life. Also the best thing that my parents could have made me go through. I got to meet lots of people and make plenty of friends in the process. I’ve had great opportunities like going on field trips to places I never knew existed. Accompanied by all my different and wonderful teachers. School gave me so many experiences I never would’ve known if I stayed home watching cartoons all day. I’m here to tell you, school is not the worst thing in the world. Sure it may seem that way after having all that time at home and now having to wake up early in the morning and doing work. But school helps you grow, and what better way to start than in the first grade. It expands your imagination beyond what that tv can do for you. If you really think about it, the man that made the tv went to school first. The twelve years you have coming will be long, but worth every minute. No matter how old you get you always remember what you used to do in school. Ask your parents, they’ve been through it before. The world is hard without the knowledge of a teacher in mind.

-- Keyondra Johnson, West Meck

As somebody about to graduate from high school, I know how it feels to be in first grade. I remember being scared and excited at the same time. I couldn’t wait to get to class and meet all of my teachers and classmates but I was so scared I was going to get lost. Luckily I didn’t. Looking back I remember how fun elementary school was, but now that I’m all grown up, I can have even more fun.

I know twelve years might seem to be a life time away, but trust me, it will fly by before you even know it. School and life won’t always be easy, but stick it out and it will all be worth it in the end.

-- Merideth Wardwell, West Meck

Entering the first grade is tough, you're not sure what to expect because you're not used to school yet. You might have butterflies in your stomach and feel nervous but don't worry, first grade is very exciting. You meet new friends, and learn interesting stuff and before you know it first grade will be over and you'll be in second grade. These next twelve years are actually gonna go by fast and you should make every year count.

It's kind of like a puzzle, you need each piece to see what the picture is. Well, every year of school is like a different puzzle piece and after you finish all 12 years of high school you'll be complete. The different friends you make and experiences you go through shape you and make you into the person you'll become.

The most important thing to remember while in school, is try your best and never settle for less. And that to me will make you successful in high school. Also, have fun and always be yourself and find friends that like you just the way you are.

-- Morgan Crosier, West Meck

I hear school has started for you and that's great. This is the beginning of a glorious and hateful experience. School has it highs and lows. The best part of school is all the friends you'll make that share the same interest as you. Don't worry, its ok to be shy on the first day because that will all change once the year progress. The worst part of school is school itself and all the work that comes with it. In the end, School is a place where you will make lifelong friends and find your true identity or calling.
-- Martin Eban, West Meck

Hello upcoming first grader, my name is Connor McCullough and I am in the 12^th grade at West Mecklenburg High school. I know that you are probably excited and/or scared about going into the first grade. Well believe it or not, I was in the first grade too. I can remember the very first day, my mom walked me in and I had no idea where I was. I didn’t have any friends in my class either. Soon I started to play with the other kids and have a good time. Not too long after that, I even wanted to live at school because I enjoyed it so much. Going into the first grade is not as bad as you may think it is though. Just remember, be a good student, be nice, and do all of your work. If you make sure you follow those three rules, you will be on your way to being a big, tough 2^nd grader.

-- Connor McCullough, West Meck

I knew older kids that were in high school and they gave me advice about school and encouraged me along the way to become who I am today, a senior in high school. So the advice I would give to a first grader is to listen to your teachers and your parents because they are here to help you. Always do your class work as well as your homework so that you don’t fall behind in school. Strive to do your best and be the best person that you can be. Keep dreaming because dreams mean that you have goals in life and the only way to achieve those goals is to stay in school and work hard. Make school your priority, focus and study. If you do those things, then you will succeed!!

-- Olivia Stinson, Mallard Creek High

You’ve never met any of those students before, and your teacher is not the same one from preschool, but she still smiles at you and greets you as though you’re the best of friends. It frightens you at first, and you shy away.

There are other downsides to the first grade, for one, play time is not the same, there is no more nap time, and now there’s this new thing where your teacher gives you work to do at home—how strange? First grade seems like a whole new world to you. An alien world and you wish you could go back to preschool.

In a few days’ time, you’ll get used to the new environment of the first grade classroom. You’ll grow to love your classmates and your teacher. Many wonderful memories will be formed inside of this classroom, such as your first time learning to read! You’ll grow to love first grade, and soon you’ll be looking forward to second grade.

Your Elementary years will fly by and suddenly, your middle school and high school years will have arrived. You’ll then be anticipating your senior year, the year you’ll graduate high school. The year you get your diploma and start your life as an adult!

But that’s in about twelve years from now. And though you’re only in the first grade right now, you’ll realize how important of a grade it is, as are all of the other grades that you will pass through. So, hold on, because this is only the very beginning of the ride. These next twelve years will be the most memorable and the most important years of your life.

-- Tatyana Washington, West Meck

Story moment: Rescue

Most of those forwarded e-mails that go around are lame... but I thought this one was pretty great, and it got me thinking about something.

Take a look at this sequence of photos:

















You might be suspicious -- I was -- if this really happened. It's real. The dog's name is Bibi.

What it triggered for me (besides "awwwwww") was this: A rescue is a powerful story, no matter the setting.

Did you ever pull off a rescue? Or have you ever been rescued yourself?

Project #3: Your Toy Story

This has happened now at the last three or four Pixar movies. They get to a certain point -- in "Up," it's that sequence about the old couple, and if you've seen it you know what I'm talking about -- and all the adults in the theater start crying. Most of the kids aren't crying -- a few are, because they see their parents doing it -- but it's the adults who are just walloped with emotion.

The same thing happened this year, at the end of "Toy Story 3." We saw the movie months ago and I still think about the last few minutes. It's the reason Pixar is the current heavyweight champion of storytelling -- their movies balance on that pivot point where kids start to learn what it means to be grown up, and grown-ups remember what it was like to be a kid.

The "Toy Story" movies have a perfect vehicle to get the audience to that pivot point. They're about toys. A favorite toy might be the first thing you really took care of as a child. And it's probably one of your fondest childhood memories as an adult.

That's the basis for my new project: Your Toy Story.

I want you to tell me a story about your single favorite toy. (One toy only, please.) Keep it as brief as you can.

You can either post your story in the comments below, or you can e-mail me at ttomlinson@charlotteobserver.com.

We'd love to have photos and video to go with this project. If you have a photo of you with your toy, send it in an e-mail. If you have video, the easiest thing to do is upload it to YouTube and let me know. If those methods don't work for you, e-mail me and we'll figure something out.

If you happen to still have the toy, and you have a photo of you with it now, we'd love that too.

Here's a quick story before you go off to write. I had a G.I. Joe when I was little. My mom tells a story about how my dad took me to J.M. Fields department store one day, I begged him to buy the G.I. Joe, and he just about fell over when he found out how much it cost. We didn't have much money. But he swallowed hard and paid.

At some point the G.I. Joe lost one hand (even though it had the dreaded Kung Fu Grip) and the hair on one side of his head had been shaved off. I have no memory of how either of those things happened. But Joe took me along on hundreds of adventures, into river gorges (ditches) and through jungles (bamboo patches) and across enemy lines (the fence between our house and the neighbors').

At some point, of course, I quit playing with Joe and started watching "Saturday Night Live" and listening to Molly Hatchet records. But for years after, kids who came to our house would find Joe in the back of a closet and have their own adventures.

It makes me wish toys could talk, like the ones in "Toy Story." I would love to hear G.I. Joe tell he how he lost half his hair. But for now we'll have to settle for our stories about our toys. Sit down and tell me yours.

12to1, Queens workshop, Ben Folds, and other good things

Coming later this week: One new project about childhood; another new project based on a remarkable photo story; some thoughts on Alvin Greene as performance artist; maybe a little Panthers preview (short version: I think they're gonna be bad this year, but really good next year.)

Here's what's going on right now.

-- I've heard from a bunch of people already about the 12 to 1 project... Several students have written in, and I've heard from three teachers who are having their senior students take it on as an assignment. If you're a high-school senior who'd like to give some advice to new first-graders, e-mail me at ttomlinson@charlottobserver.com. We'll be taking entries for several more days.

-- If you're interested in some in-depth talk about writing, there are still a few spots left in the workshop I'm teaching at Queens University starting next week. It runs four Thursday nights from Sept. 9 to Sept. 30. We'll be talking about reporting, interviewing, writing, creativity and "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald." (Love of Gordon Lightfoot not required.)

-- Keep checking for more comments on the One Good Thing project and the Scars project... I'm getting some late e-mail that I'm going to stick into the comment threads. And if you haven't added your own, the door's still open.

-- Three of my favorite things came together this week. For years I've loved Ben Folds, the North Carolina piano man, and Nick Hornby, the British novelist. They've collaborated on a record that comes out in a few weeks. But as a teaser, they've released a cut they did with Pomplamoose, the duo that specializes in "video songs," where you see how each song is put together. (My favorite is their cover of Beyonce's "Single Ladies.")

Here's the result. (It might help a little to know that Nick Hornby is a hugely successful writer. Four of his works -- "Fever Pitch," "High Fidelity," "About a Boy" and "An Education" -- have been turned into movies. So don't feel too sorry for him.)

The difficulty of One Good Thing

On Sunday I put out a request to readers -- a little project called One Good Thing. I wanted people to say one good thing about some group they oppose. The idea was simple.

But simple doesn't mean easy.

"Perhaps I can find something good to say about lawyers," said a reader named Greg. "I'll work on it."

"I have been wracking my brain and I still can't find a positive thing to say about the Dems other than I will love them when they leave," said my Facebook friend Tom.

Other people gave it a try, but couldn't quite hand over an unadulterated compliment. There was always a catch.

"As much as I dislike..."

"Even though they are completely wrong..."

"Despite the fact that I choose to spend my life as far away from them as possible..."

It took a day and a half before I got the first pure compliment, from a reader named Jessica:

"I admire the Tea Party for actively using their Right to Assembly as I don't know if I would ever have the guts to attend a political protest."

But by the time Jessica weighed in, it was clear that the story wasn't about how people could find ways to say one good thing. The story was how hard it is to do it at all.

Why is that?

Maybe it's the way we've turned life into sports. We argue a lot of issues now the same way crazy basketball fans argue Carolina vs. Duke -- there's nothing bad about our guys, there's nothing good about the other guys, no quarter, no surrender. Giving an inch, or conceding the other person might have a point, doesn't show that you're reasonable; it shows that you're weak.

Maybe it's that we're overwhelmed. The more information that we need to process, the more we need filters. It takes time and effort to think about some group you oppose and try to find some common ground. It's a lot easier to just filter them out as bad guys.

Maybe it's just that it feels good, in a frustrating world, to have a nice soft pillow to punch.

"I don't mean to undermine your attempt at creating a bridge to understanding, but I don't think the bridge will withstand the weight of fear and anger that is growing," a reader named Tim said back on Sunday.

He could be right.

But as the week went by, other voices stepped in.

Brendan said, "I respect those who frequent the Epicentre for their energy and zest for life."

Doc B said, "I am impressed with the attitude and courtesy I've seen from high school age students."

Bonnie said, "One good thing about Rush Limbaugh is he has saved AM talk radio."

And Tom said, "The Board of Education for the Charlotte-Mecklenburg School System deserves a pat on the back. They have a daunting job that requires commitment, passion, and understanding. I am not sure I could deal with all of the criticism, pressures, and issues they face daily."

Tom wrote in a little later to say he had been a high-school teacher but had decided to resign: "Believe me, it was a tough task to say something positive about the school board."

So it turns out it's really hard to say one good thing about a group you don't like. But it's possible.

And, I believe, it's necessary.


Here are more attempts at One Good Thing... some of these didn't quite qualify as unadulterated compliments, but take a look. -- Tommy

Republicans: I admire their commitment to national security. -- Esther

One good thing about Atlanta: you do not have to travel far when you decide to move to Charlotte. -- Fori

I admire the Muslims' uncompromising dedication to moral purity. A lot of Christians, myself included, should pay more attention to that.-- Rod

One good thing about the Panthers is that they are located here in Charlotte.-- Tawanya

I really get annoyed at panhandlers. When necessary, I look the other way, cross the street or turn around. My radar is up and I can sense when I am going to be approached. After capturing the scene below, I have been thinking I spend a whole lot of time and money of stuff that may seem important; it's not really. I should at least speak to the person. An urban camper has no less standing than me.
-- Scott (who also took the photo)

People who want to be sure I’m constantly aware of who they know and where they’ve been and what they have drive me crazy. But those things make them happy and I like happy people.

-- Kathy

I believe that the Republican Tea Partiers are right in their belief that something is wrong.
-- Roy

Far-right radio and TV talk show commentators surely love their families as much as I love mine. -- Sandy

I think Nancy Pelosi sticks with her convictions through thick and thin... no matter how wrong they may be! -- anonymous

Status report

We've got three projects in the mix... you can still contribute to them all. To catch you up:

Scar Stories: We published some of the best in the paper today. But people are still adding their stories to the original post.

One Good Thing: We'll publish a best-of in the next day or two -- here's an example of a good entry. I'll be writing a column-ish piece to go with it. So if you've been thinking about this, now's the time to speak up.

12 to 1: A couple of teachers wrote in saying they've got students working on this... so we'll hold this open until next week sometime. If you're a high-school senior -- or an adult with some influence over a high-school senior :) -- jump in.

OK, you've endured all that... Check out this dude and his yo-yo.



(via kottke.org)

Project #2: 12 to 1

Today's the first day of school in Charlotte-Mecklenburg public schools, which means thousands of first-graders are starting the long journey to 12th grade -- the last year of high school. That thought led to my new interactive project, 12 to 1.

I'm looking for incoming high-school seniors to participate.

Here's the idea: If you're an incoming senior, what advice would you give to incoming first-graders?

What would you tell them about what the next 12 years will be like? What would you tell them about how to make it through? How have you changed since you were in their shoes? What stories do you have that might help them understand?

Incoming seniors: Send your thoughts to me at ttomlinson@charlotteobserver.com with the phrase "12 to 1" in the subject line. Make sure you say on there who you are and what school you're going to.

And if you happen to have pictures of yourself now AND when you were in first grade, send them along, too.

Teachers and parents: If you want to nudge your seniors to do this, it won't hurt my feelings a bit :)

We'll collect these over the next few days... in the meantime, if you're NOT an incoming senior, but you have advice for first-graders, well, that's what the comments are for.

Story lunch: Scars

So as part of this new gig, I'm going to send out a story around lunchtime a few times a week... just a little something that might entertain you or make you think. I'll be showcasing storytellers from all over the Web. If you run across something good, let me know.

Today's story is part of a series The Human Project did about people with scars, and how they got them.

the human project - matty from the human project on Vimeo.

I've got a few scars myself... I suspect you do, too. Where did yours come from? And what do you think about when you look at them?

One Good Thing: Now we're talkin'

Got the best response so far to my One Good Thing project -- it's a model of how I hoped people would jump in. This is from Jessica:

I admire the Tea Party for actively using their Right to Assembly as I don't know if I would ever have the guts to attend a political protest.


That's the idea. Short, sincere, meaningful. It's fine if you want to talk politics, but I'd also love to hear from you about other stuff.

Now... what have YOU got?

(Here's some more on what One Good Thing is about, and how to contribute.)

One Good Thing, and some other things

Good morning. If you were out having a life and missed the news this weekend, there's a bit of a change around these parts. So let's get caught up.

I've gotten a bunch of responses to my first interactive project, called One Good Thing... but y'all aren't really in the spirit of it yet. Here's a fairly typical example:

“I believe that the Republican Tea Partiers are right in their belief that something is wrong even though they are completely wrong about what is wrong.”

I appreciate the effort, but that pretty much defines the phrase "backhanded compliment."

My idea -- and my hope -- is that you can find one unadulterated nice thing to say about a group that you don't like. For example... I don't enjoy seeing the Jehovah's Witnesses who make regular visits to our neighborhood. But I admire the courage of their faith.

Of course I have an agenda here. I've always thought, at our core, we are more alike than different. But when we look at other people, we often define them by the ways they're different than us -- and then, over time, we can't see anything but the differences. I suspect that's not good for humanity in the long run.

So... let's keep trying. One good thing. Sincere and pure. And brief! There are lots of ways to contribute:

-- Email ttomlinson@charlotteobserver.com. (You can also send photos that way.)

-- Send me a message on Twitter (@tommytomlinson), or post a tweet with the hashtag #onegoodthing.

-- Send me a Facebook message.

-- Leave a voicemail at 704-358-5227.

-- Upload a video to YouTube and send me a link.

Whatever format you use, put "One Good Thing" in the subject line or label it some other way. If you want, let me know who you are and how to get in touch. I wasn't clear on this last time, but it's OK with me if you're anonymous... you just have to be sincere and anonymous.

Before I go, I want to share a few inspirations for what I'm trying to do here. I'll be putting these and some others in a blogroll shortly.

I've been fascinated with PostSecret for years... I could scroll through the cards for hours. We all have secrets we want to tell, if the circumstances are right.

The Moth is an amazing little storytelling event that started in New York. Go here and listen to some great stories, in front of an audience, no notes.

And StoryCorps, which came through Charlotte not long ago, has unearthed some brilliant stories from ordinary people. I'll leave you this morning with the true story of Danny and Annie. Keep tissues nearby. And when you get a chance... tell me a story.

Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

Project #1: One Good Thing

So if you're here you've probably seen that I'm trying out a new job, and part of what I'm going to do is create projects with readers. The first one we're going to try is something I call One Good Thing.

The idea is simple: I want you to say one good thing about a group you don't like.

If you're a Democrat, think of one good thing about Republicans. If you're an atheist, one good thing about people of faith. If you're a Carolina fan, one good thing about Dukies.

Those aren't the only categories, of course. Think about the one crowd you most complain about, the one club you'd never join. Now: Come up with one good thing to say about them. We'll be rejecting all sarcasm, cynicism, and backhanded compliments. You have to be sincere.

My inspiration for this is Ze Frank's 52/48 project, done just after the '08 election. Here's what it ended up looking like.

You're welcome to just write. But I'd also love photos, audio, video -- however you want to make your point.

Here's how to contribute:

If you write something, email ttomlinson@charlotteobserver.com. (You can also send photos that way.)

To leave it as a voicemail, call me at 704-358-5227.

If you want to put your response on video, upload it to YouTube and send me a link.

Whatever format you use, put "One Good Thing" in the subject line or say it right up front. Also, let me know who you are and how to get in touch. You should assume that whatever you send could go online and/or in the paper. We'll take contributions until we've got a good batch, then publish them.

We've got a lot more projects coming up -- including one in the next couple of days exclusively for high-school seniors. In the meantime, think of one good thing. And send it on.

Steven Slater , taking the slide

Of course the best way to start this Steven Slater story is the Taiwanese animated re-enactment. For many more Slater updates, check here (some NSFW language, it probably goes without saying).

Steven Slater is a hero. The JetBlue flight attendant acted out the fantasy of millions of working people. He told off the jerk who had cussed him out, then he quit his job in style -- in his case, by grabbing a beer, popping the emergency slide on the plane, and gliding off to freedom. Take this job and shove it, I ain't working here no more.

Steven Slater is a jackass. He overreacted to a rude passenger, made it all about himself, got arrested, and became instantly unemployable anywhere except for reality TV.

Steven Slater is a symbol -- a symbol of disgruntled workers, a symbol of our in-your-face society, a symbol of the everyday torture that comes with riding the airlines, and working for one.

To me, more than anything, Steven Slater is a warning. Because he did the kind of work most people will end up doing in this country. He wasn't a maker, he was a server. And not everybody is cut out to serve.

You know the score, but here's a couple of details. According to the federal Bureau of Labor Statistics, the Carolinas lost 460,000 manufacturing jobs between June 2000 and June of this year. Over the same period, the Carolinas gained more than 93,000 jobs in the leisure and hospitality field.

That's a lot fewer working in mills and factories, and a lot more people working at customer service desks.

That's not a knock on service jobs -- my mama was a waitress for 20 years. It's just reality. People are doing different kinds of work in different settings that require different attitudes.

Here's the main difference. If you work in a manufacturing plant, you have one or two bosses. You might grumble about them -- everybody grumbles about the boss -- but you probably learn to deal with it.

In a service job, you have those bosses, too. But the real bosses are your customers -- hundreds of them, maybe thousands. And in a group that big, somebody's bound to set you off.

Steven Slater didn't flip out at a supervisor. He flipped out at a passenger who had been involved in a preflight dispute about the overhead bin. There are several versions of the story, but two parts are consistent: Slater took a shot to the head when he tried to break it up, and after the flight landed, when he approached the woman, she four-lettered him.

No doubt it was a bad scene. But lots of service workers put up with worse, every day, and hold their tongues.

The customer is not always right, and lots of times the customer is flat-out wrong. Customers leave popcorn boxes on the floor of the theater. Customers stiff waiters making $2 an hour. Customers return pants they've worn 10 times. Customers do all sorts of crazy things, and then rant when they don't get immediate satisfaction.

A professional in the service business has to take that junk, swallow it, and figure out a way to make the customer happy. Most customers are good ones, and if all you do is focus on the bad ones, you'll drive yourself crazy. Which Steven Slater, at least temporarily, did.

Steven Slater isn't a hero or a jackass. He's an ordinary American worker who was faced with what's becoming a more and more ordinary situation.

What happened makes you wish that, when we're in customer mode, we have a little more appreciation for the people on the other side.

And it makes you hope that, when somebody feels the need to pop the emergency slide, we can provide the kind of job that's a good place to land.

Come talk about writing with me

I wanted to let y'all know about two workshops I'm teaching in September... they're both good chances to talk about writing and to hear my speaking voice, which can best be described as "obscene phone caller in training."

The first one is at Queens University -- it's a four-week class on Thursday nights starting Sept. 9 and ending Sept. 30. Here's the signup page. It's a repeat of a class called "Writing In 3-D" that I did last month -- but spread out a little, and held at night, to accommodate people on a different schedule. This workshop is heavy on writing tools -- lots of practical ways to get better.

The second one is a one-day workshop Sept. 11 at The Farm at Weathers Creek in Iredell County. Here's more information on that one, which is part of a writers' series they have up there. There's some overlap with the Queens class, but this workshop will have a little bit more focus on creativity -- building a creative life for yourself.

I leave lots of time for questions, comments, tangents, etc., and these classes always end up being lots of fun.

Holler in the comments or drop me an e-mail if you have any questions.

Now that you've read all that, you deserve a reward. Here's the Ukelele Orchestra of Great Britain.

Lindsey Graham, Shirley Sherrod, and the death of thoughtfulness

Today we give props to Lindsey Graham, the Republican senator from South Carolina, who -- for this week at least -- appears to be the only thoughtful person in Washington.

Graham was the only member of the Senate Judiciary Committee to cross party lines in the vote to confirm Elena Kagan for the Supreme Court. All 12 Democrats voted with Graham to confirm; the other six Republicans all voted no.

It's fair to say Graham is no fan of President Obama. He stumped for John McCain in the 2008 campaign, and voted against Obama's stimulus package and health-care bill. But he has studied what the framers of the Constitution intended for the Supreme Court nomination process. And Graham believes that as long as the candidate is qualified, the president's choice should stand -- regardless of party.

That last paragraph might have sounded weird if you read a lot about politics. Because you don't often see a political story where someone makes a decision regardless of party -- much less that they'd studied it first.

Around the same time Tuesday that Graham was explaining why he supported Kagan, a more typical Washington story was breaking.

Shirley Sherrod, who ran a Department of Agriculture office in Georgia, gave a speech back in March at an NAACP banquet in Douglas, Ga., not far from where I grew up. A Web publisher named Andrew Breitbart put out a segment of video from the speech. In the segment, it sounds like Sherrod admits she deliberately didn't do her best to help a white farm family in trouble. Breitbart's cut features a special appearance at the end from Geraldo Rivera, so you know it's quality journalism.



Problem is, when the full video was released, it's clear that Sherrod did exactly the opposite. The whole thing is 45 minutes long -- you can also read the key parts of the transcript.



It turns out Sherrod did end up helping the family, and told the story as an example of how she struggled with her own prejudices and overcame them. That's exactly what we want in a leader, right? Someone honest enough to admit her flaws, and capable enough to learn and grow?

Um, no. What we really want, at least in Washington, is somebody who won't give a sound bite that will help the other side.

Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack asked for (and got) Sherrod's resignation Tuesday, after the short version of the speech had come out but before the long version. I've actually spent a little time with Vilsack; he was on a fellowship in Boston when my wife and I were up there. He seemed like a decent guy. But in this case it looks like he acted without knowing or caring about the context of the speech, just so the Obama team could salvage a bit of the 24-hour news cycle.

So let's try to sum up: A right-wing blogger clips a woman's words to twist them exactly backwards. (Breitbart, for his part, said this on Fox News: "I could care less about Shirley Sherrod, to be honest with you.")

And a Democratic official, instead of backing her up or even waiting for the full story, dumps her on the side of the road.

In other words, a woman who was humble and brave was run out of her job because of arrogance and cowardice. Nothing that happened was because a principle was at stake, or because it mattered to the business of America. No one involved thought about anything but winning.

And so, at least for today, let's appreciate Lindsey Graham. He took a difficult issue, thought about it for more than five seconds, and went against his own party to do what he thought was best for the country.

As Shirley Sherrod could tell you today, that's a rare thing.

UPDATE, 6:25 p.m.: Vilsack has apologized and offered Sherrod a new job with the USDA.

A little more on comments

My post yesterday on the comments on our Dean Smith story triggered an irony alert: I had to delete a couple comments in a post about the high quality of comments. (Just FYI, if you start comparing people to Hitler, your comment is not long for this world.)

While we're on the topic, here's two other things you should read:

The Buffalo News is doing away with anonymous comments. As you might imagine, there are a lot of comments about that.

And Gene Weingarten likens comments on some stories to a sirloin steak with a side of maggots. Although I suspect Gene would admit that some news stories resemble Salisbury steak instead. And I've written a couple of things more like that protein loaf they serve in prison.

Gene does say he generally likes comments. I do too. But we can, and ought to, make them better. Thanks for the ideas so far.

UPDATE: NYU's Jay Rosen tweets (@jayrosen_nyu) in response to the Buffalo News story: "Just so typical of newspaper thinking that the middle way—persistent identity using a pen name-is removed from the debate."

I think Rosen is talking about getting rid of the ability to post as Anonymous, but letting people post under an assumed name. This is how the Observer does it on our regular stories online, but not on blog posts, which run on different software. Do you think assumed names work?

Dean Smith, comments, and you

On Saturday we published a story on Dean Smith that I'd been working on for a while with Robbi Pickeral, the great UNC basketball beat writer for the Raleigh News & Observer. Now that the story has been out in the world for a couple of days, the most gratifying thing about it is something I had nothing to do with: the quality of the online comments.

As I write this, there are 66 comments about the story on the Observer's page, and all but a couple are respectful, thoughtful and touching. Several Duke fans have written in to say that, even though UNC is their biggest rival, they still admired the way Smith coached and leads his life.

Comments often add a lot to the understanding of a story -- they can flesh out details in stories, pick out flaws, start debates, and even break news. Sometimes the comments are better than the story (and that includes a good number of my stories). I don't mind that it sometimes feels more like a saloon than a salon. The best answer to free speech is more free speech.

Having said all that, sometimes it's depressing to see how the comments turn out. Complicated thoughts can get reduced to political talking points. Vulnerable people can get pounded by personal attacks. A small group of posters can dominate the discussion, and drive out people who want to have a conversation instead of a shouting match.

The comments on the N&O's site about the Dean Smith story have more of an edge to them, although they're still mild compared to a lot of other stories we publish.

I'd love to hear any thoughts you have on how to make our comments better -- or your thoughts on why you like them the way they are.

And we really appreciate all of you who wrote in about this story. The comments really added to the discussion, and that's always our goal.

The Friday Wrap

Here's a recap of the last seven days here at the ol' paragraph factory.

A guy who grew up in Charlotte wrote a cool book about the vocoder. (Plus DVD extras!)

Now you have to remember if you're in the Orange Zone or the Green Zone. (Several readers made a smart suggestion: The recycling bins should've been orange or green, depending on what zone you're in. But you'd still have to remember which week you take out recycling. Maybe they could've stamped a calendar on the lid.)

LeBron chose away over home.

A quick follow-up on that... NOBODY looked good after The LeBron Show last night.

LeBron showed all the emotion of an insurance adjuster and seemed to have no idea how deeply he was crushing Cleveland fans by renting ESPN for an torture session of kissing them goodbye.

ESPN chucked its credibility and spent an hour kissing LeBron's ring. Well, he doesn't HAVE a ring, but you get the point.

Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert wrote a letter hammering the guy he loved and coveted up until the very minute LeBron decided to go somewhere else. It must have been a blast to write, but conveniently fails to mention that Gilbert just finished getting rid of the Cavs' coach and general manager -- so much for loyalty -- and also fails to understand that he sounds like a ninth-grader who got dumped a week before the prom. Which, in a way, he is.

The only people who came out of the whole thing with unadulterated happiness are Miami Heat ticket scalpers. Good news, Junior, that college fund's back in play.

A few of the things I linked on Twitter (@tommytomlinson):

RT @Pogue Did the Jetsons predict the iPad, FaceTime, and streaming video news sites in 1962? http://bit.ly/bQJByg

Alvin Greene's stimulus idea: Alvin Greene action figures. I'm beginning to think this is performance art. http://bit.ly/chSbD0

Gator walks into a building at LSU. (Insert SEC joke here.) http://bit.ly/aGN4hd

Not sure I agree with all this from the great @williamfleitch... but damn, is it well-done. http://bit.ly/aWm0Gl

Former co-worker @tTribble helped come up w/the awesome cover for the Cleveland P-D today. http://bit.ly/cgf3Kx

Finally, some music. Smashing Pumpkins are coming to Charlotte next week. It's about a decade past their glory days in the post-Nirvana era, but I saw them when they were here in 1997, and they were really good. Here's a clip of Billy Corgan doing an AC/DC cover on the street in Italy. You'd never know from a Smashing Pumpkins show that Corgan can be charming and goofy... but he is here.



Enjoy the weekend, everybody.

LeBron's choice

LeBron James is a father of two who lives in Bath Township, Ohio. It's about 10 miles from Akron, where he grew up, and less than 30 from Cleveland, where he works for a living. He makes as much in salary as the NBA allows, plus millions more in endorsements, and his home is a 33,000-square-foot mansion. But set aside the dollar signs and he's like thousands of others from his hometown. Grew up poor. Didn't go to college. Maybe dreamed that one day, if things broke right, he could load up the car and drive north on I-77 for a life in the big city.

Things broke right. Now, in this awful economy, LeBron James is a rare soul: a 25-year-old with multiple job offers. All he has to do is decide what he wants.

When you were 25, did you know what you wanted?

Because of the way we live now, when LeBron announces his new team tonight, it will be on an hourlong ESPN special, with the main interviewer (Jim Gray) chosen by LeBron himself, all tied into LeBron's new website and new Twitter feed. (This morning's reports -- unconfirmed -- say that LeBron will announce he's playing for the Miami Heat.) Even before the TV special happens, it's being ripped as a giant ego stunt, an overhyped me-fest for a player who, as great as he is, has yet to win an NBA title.

I'm sure LeBron has an ego. But I'm not sure this is about ego. Maybe it's about control.

When you were 25, did you feel like you were in control?

The choices among his suitors seem fairly clear. If basketball -- winning championships -- is the main thing, he has to go to Miami or Chicago. Miami re-signed its superstar, Dwyane Wade, and is adding top-flight forward Chris Bosh. Chicago has dazzling point guard Derrick Rose and just signed All-Star Carlos Boozer. Either of those teams, with LeBron, is an instant favorite to make the NBA Finals.

If glamor is the thing, he has to go to New York. The Knicks have been awful for years; even with LeBron and free-agent pickup Amar'e Stoudemire, they might not be great. But in New York, LeBron can go on Letterman anytime he wants, and get standing O's at the Yankees games, and have a shot at being the biggest guy in the biggest city.

If loyalty is the thing -- and LeBron has a LOYALTY tattoo along his rib cage -- he has to go back to Cleveland. I'm not sure what kind of team he could put together now. Nearly all the big free agents have already signed. Whatever he assembles there would probably be underdogs to Orlando, Chicago, Miami and maybe Boston -- and that's just in the Eastern Conference. A long-term deal with Cleveland might mean three or four years before he has a prime shot at a title. And after 10 or 11 years of NBA pounding, even the best bodies start to break down.

But if he does win it all in Cleveland... it becomes one of the best sports stories in history. Kid grows up rooting for the local team, ends up playing for the local team, and wins a title for the local team -- but not just any local team, CLEVELAND, the city wrecked by decades of epic sports heartbreak. Could LeBron make up for all those times Cleveland fans have wound up doubled over in grief? Maybe only LeBron could.

Here's the thing, though. LeBron got to play for the local team. But he didn't choose to. He ended up in Cleveland because the Cavaliers won the 2003 draft lottery. If the Cavs hadn't won, LeBron could've opted for college. But more than likely he would've stayed in the draft and ended up with Detroit or Denver or one of the other teams with a high draft pick. And now, as a free agent, he'd have a chance to come back home.

As it worked out, he never went away. He's never been away. Even though he's played all over the country as an NBA star and all over the world as an Olympian, he has always lived within a few miles of where he grew up, and from his house it's a half-hour drive to work. Just like all those kids from Akron who grew up dreaming of a big house in town and a good job up in Cleveland.

Those are fine dreams. But other kids dream other things. They get to be 25 and they start to wonder what it might be like to set down roots somewhere else, to unpack your bags in a fresh town, to see how starting over changes you. It's not about rejecting home. It's about forcing yourself to grow by reaching for something new.

LeBron James is still a young man, but he has experienced things most of us can barely imagine. He's already one of the best ever at what he does. Fans adore him. The biggest sports network in the country is handing him an hour tonight to say what he wants to say. Millions of people are waiting for his choice.

And what I keep wondering is: Does he really know what he wants?

Does he dream about it?

And if he does, when he dreams, is he home or away?

Recycling, brain cramps, and overload

Clearly the best way to handle this Charlotte recycling bumfuzzle is Monty Python-style:



We need to create jobs, right? Just hire a guy in every neighborhood to walk the streets with a bullhorn. Bring out your recycling! Bring out your recycling! All plastic bottles except #6! No pizza boxes!

It might not be the most efficient idea. But the current plan isn't working so hot.

We're three days into the city's new recycling program, and apparently for some of us it's harder than Final Jeopardy. More than 1,200 people called the city with questions on Monday alone. People are putting out their bins on the wrong day, in the wrong week, with the wrong stuff inside.

This is despite the city attaching instructions to the new bins, sending out at least three notices in the mail, putting the information online, and discussing it at 200 community events.

There are several possible reasons we're still confused:

• It turns out people throw away ALL their mail, not just the bills.
• Nobody pays attention to public service announcements about the importance of blah blah blah.
• Maybe some folks are going by Mayan calendars.
  
• Collectively, we're as dumb as a sack of hammers.

You could make an argument for any of those. But here's the real reason: There's just too much junk floating around in our heads right now.

We're not stupid, we're overwhelmed.

Think about all the mental debris you tote around -- logins and passwords to computers and websites, PIN numbers to credit cards and debit cards and ATM cards, the schedule for the kids' ball games and dance lessons, what hours the library's open (hint: not as many hours as it used to be), the faces and names of all those people you see only at the grocery store or the barbershop or at church on Easter. Plus all that long division and high-school Spanish trying not to get sucked down the memory hole.

Not only that, every little device is its own galaxy of choices. I'm pretty sure my cell phone could launch a nuclear sub if I had the right app. The other day I toured a hangar that housed some vintage airplanes. The cockpits didn't look all that more complicated than a universal remote. And pilots don't have to worry about programming the DVR.

In our complicated lives, we need some things to be simple. In Charlotte, garbage and recycling were simple. You rolled out the garbage can and set out the recycling bin on the same day every week. You didn't even have to think about it -- your body did the work on autopilot.

Now there's a new recycling bin, and pickup for that is every OTHER week, even though garbage is still every week, although for most people it's now on a different DAY, and to get it all straight you have to figure out whether you live in the Green Zone or the Orange Zone.

That's not complicated, in and of itself. But piled on top of all the other numbers and maps and codes, it makes us crazy.

In the end, of course, we'll figure it out -- we'll clear out a little corner of our brains (bye-bye, Spanish!) to make room for the new schedule. We're also recycling more stuff, which is good for the planet, so we've got that going for us, which is nice.

But next time, before anybody else rolls out something else to complicate our lives, do us a favor. Spring for the bullhorns.

DVD extras for Sunday vocoder column

Hope everybody had a good Fourth. For us it involved a trip to Oklahoma and a drive through the flatlands of Kansas on July 4 night -- fireworks in every direction and Conway Twitty on the radio. That's America, y'all.

Now that I'm back at work I wanted to share some supplemental material that goes with my Sunday column on Dave Tompkins, who grew up in Charlotte and just wrote a very cool book about the vocoder.

Buy a copy on the book's official page or on Amazon.

Here's a story from New York magazine.

And now to the music:

This is "Clear," the song that Dave fell for when it came on WPEG back in 1982.



Here's "Pack Jam" by the Jonzun Crew -- a glorious mix of Devo, Michael Jackson, the Oakland Raiders and "CHiPs."



This is Midnight Star's "Freak-a-Zoid," which you heard if you visited a dance club anytime in the mid-'80s.



And if you want to go all in, check out this 75-minute vocoder megamix from Dave's site.

I think it's fair to say that the vocoder changed Dave Tompkins' life. Is there a song, or a sound, that changed yours?

Links for oil spill column

Here are some links that go with my Sunday column on the Gulf oil spill:

Brie Williams's photos from Grand Isle.

A live camera from the spill. (I tried to link to the cameras on BP's site, but they weren't working for some reason. That's not sarcasm, by the way.)

And here's the YouTube video from Destin. The part I mentioned happens about 2:30, but before then you can see some oil on the beach up close.

USA! USA! USA!

Last night on Twitter, ESPN's Bill Simmons started posting YouTube links of reactions to Landon Donovan's last-minute goal that beat Algeria in the World Cup. When I went to bed he had posted six. I could have watched 600.

I'm not going to pretend I was a big soccer fan before the World Cup. And I doubt I'll be following the English Premier League afterward. But you don't have to fall all the way in love with everything. Sometimes you can fall in love a little bit. I'm a little bit in love with soccer now. And I truly loved this moment.

The first video is from CNN -- I found it through WSOC's Bill Voth (@billvoth on Twitter). The next six come from Simmons (@sportsguy33 on Twitter). If you run across others -- especially from Charlotte -- holler in the comments and we'll post them.

I am now officially looking forward to a soccer match involving Ghana. This is a whole new world.

UPDATE: At the bottom there's a highlight reel of sorts, compiling pieces of most of the other videos plus a few others.

New York (there's an ad on the front end, but it's worth it):



San Diego:



Portland:



Vegas:



At the stadium:



Seattle:



Lincoln, Nebraska:



Compilation:

Alvin Greene, being there

Alvin Greene, the unknown, unheralded, un-everything U.S. Senate primary winner in South Carolina, kept reminding me of something -- and somebody. Finally figured it out.

If you've seen Greene on TV, you learn two things: One, his interviews set the Guinness record for awkward pauses, and two, it's clear he doesn't have a clue what's going on. All he does is repeat the same lines about "Sixty percent of the vote is no accident" and "I just conducted a simple old-fashioned campaign," which is especially funny because I'm still not aware of anyone in South Carolina who went to an Alvin Greene rally, or had Alvin Greene come to their house, or even saw him on the side of a road waving a campaign sign like those kids doing a car wash for the glee club.

He might have won the Democratic primary because he's black, or he might have won because he was the first candidate alphabetically, or he might be a Republican plant, but one thing is clear -- he didn't win because the people of South Carolina deeply desire to put him in Congress. Although they've probably done worse.

If you watch him on TV, you think, what a disaster. But when I figured out who he reminded me of, it started to make sense.

The 1979 movie "Being There" is about Chance (Peter Sellers), a gardener born with "rice pudding between the ears." All he can talk about is gardening. All he likes to do is watch TV. But through a series of events, he ends up in the home (played by the Biltmore House!) of a rich businessman with political connections. And so Chance the gardener becomes Chauncey Gardiner, whose empty-headed homilies about the weather sound like Zen in a different context.



(He also ends up in bed with Shirley MacLaine, who doesn't quite get what he means when he says "I like to watch.")

So it's possible we've misunderstood Alvin Greene this whole time. He might be our Chauncey Gardiner, our homegrown Zen master of politics, and we're just not deep enough to get it.

I will just add this. If he does ever hold a campaign rally, and it's by the side of a lake, bring your camera.

iPad envy

When I was little I went through a phase where the only books I wanted were Pop-Up books. Didn't matter what they were about. I just loved the thrill of turning the page and WHOA there was the Empire State Building, or a woolly mammoth, or a dolphin leaping from the ocean.

That's the feeling I got today, trying out an iPad.

I was at Best Buy to pick up a couple of little things -- didn't even know they had iPads for sale. They had four of them on a little table. I played a little of a Simpsons video game and read a few pages of an Elizabeth Gilbert book and checked out the Observer website and goofed around with the maps. It made me think of this video somebody posted the other day:

iPad + Velcro from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

I'm an Apple guy, but I've been holding off on the iPad because we really don't need one -- our laptops and cell phones do the same sorts of things just fine. Still, as Jimmy Carter once said, I'm starting to feel lust in my heart.

So I'm wondering -- if you've bought an iPad, what do you think? Are you using it more or less than you expected? And if you're using it a lot, what are you NOT doing instead?
If you don't like it, feel free to talk me out of it. It'd be a lot cheaper if I just went and bought a stack of Pop-Up books instead.

Writing workshop at Queens -- come sign up

(begin shill mode)

So I'm doing this writing workshop at Queens University on June 5 (that's a Saturday). We're going to talk about all the basics of a good story, whether it's fiction or nonfiction -- reporting, interviewing, and writing. Plus we'll spend some time talking about creativity in general, and in particular about the dreaded writer's block. (Spoiler alert: I don't really believe in writer's block.)

I've got plenty of material but we'll bend and twist it depending on what everybody wants to learn. I'm really jacked about doing this and I think it'll be fun. It's also sort of a experiment that Queens and I are doing to see if folks might be interested in this sort of thing. So come be our guinea pigs! Here's my promise: If you're part of this first workshop, and I ever write a book, you'll get a free copy.

(Second prize, of course, is that you don't have to take the free copy.)

Anyway, take a look at the link and holler if you have questions -- you can put them in the comments or email me at ttomlinson@charlotteobserver.com.

(end shill mode)

OK, you survived all that. Here's a license plate for you:



That's gotta be a youth baseball coach, right? "THERE'S NO SNIVELING IN BASEBALL!!" Take it, Tom Hanks:

Cleveland, rocks

Somehow I've ended up with lots of friends from Cleveland. Gary Schwab, who's sports editor of the Observer (plus the Raleigh paper) and my former boss. Andrea Simakis, one of the five funniest people I know and a great writer at the Cleveland Plain Dealer. My dear friend Diane Suchetka, also one of the five funniest people I know and another great writer at the Plain Dealer -- we worked together in Charlotte before she went back home. And my buddy Joe, who spent his later youth in Charlotte but his real youth in Cleveland, where his hero was Duane Kuiper, the Cleveland Indians second baseman who played 12 years in the big leagues and hit exactly one home run.

Even if you don't follow sports, you know Cleveland has a complex. It's the place where the Cuyahoga River caught fire, where the Rust Belt buckled. In "Tootsie," when Dustin Hoffman is doing his screen test in drag, Rita the producer says "I'd like to make her a little more attractive, how far can you pull back?" and the cameraman says "How do you feel about Cleveland?" The line is funny not just because Cleveland itself is a punch line, but because you knew that was a long distance -- wherever glamorous people were making soap operas, Cleveland was far, far away.

Cleveland sports add even more layers of cruel. We all think of longtime losers like the Red Sox (until 2004) or the Saints (until this year) or the Cubs (until, well, not yet), but it's worse in Cleveland. NO team from Cleveland has won a title in a major sport since the Browns won the NFL title in 1964. Not only that, Cleveland teams have lost over and over in soul-crushing fashion.

The Browns have missed out on three Super Bowls because of a late-game interception, a fumble at the goal line and a 98-yard touchdown drive led by Denver's John Elway. (Then the Browns moved to Baltimore, and a few years later Baltimore -- with a lot of those Browns players -- of course won the freaking Super Bowl.) The Indians, who haven't won a title since 1948, lost one World Series in '95 by losing the deciding game 1-0, and another in '97 after blowing a one-run lead with two outs to go. And the Cavaliers have never won an NBA title, but if you've ever watched Michael Jordan highlights you've seen him rattle in that jumper at the buzzer to beat the Cavs in the '89 playoffs. All those moments are available on YouTube but it would take a cold heart to link to them right now.

The point of all this buildup is that this year would be different. The Cavs had the best record in the league. They added Shaquille O'Neal to what was already a really good team. And of course they have LeBron James, who grew up in Akron, was drafted by his home-state team and turned into the best player in the game -- just like in those sports books written for kids. LeBron is a free agent after this season, and of course every team wants him, he can go anywhere he wants and get paid the maximum salary, but you think and you hope that his thumb is on the scale for Cleveland. Especially if they win the title.

And although it's just the second round of the playoffs, and they're in a tough series against the Boston Celtics -- tied 2-2 going into Tuesday night's Game 5 -- all they had to do was win that game at home, and they'd be in command of the series and aimed toward the championship that would heal Cleveland in that metaphorical, but still real, way that only sports can do.

They lost by 32.

Yes, they could still win. But now the Celtics can close out the series in Boston. And all of a sudden, it's possible that LeBron just played his last home game for Cleveland.

He didn't get his first basket until halfway through the third quarter, and not long after that it became clear they'd never catch the Celtics. I turned over to "Lost," even though I've seen maybe two hours of it over six seasons, and in Tuesday's episode, to make things even more confusing, CJ from "The West Wing" turned up. That was still better than the game. The game was like watching your neighbor's cat get hit by a car.

I sat down to write this because I couldn't think of a worse Pivot Game -- where a team's fans went from "We're gonna win tonight, we're gonna be champions, LeBron will re-up and we'll get multiple titles" to "We got carjacked by 32 at home and we might never see him in our uniform again" in the span of three hours.

But I forgot. It's Cleveland. They've seen worse.

Guys, I'm so sorry.

A modest proposal for the airlines

Before I start to complain about air travel, let's stipulate, as Louis CK does, that the very fact of flying is amazing:



Having said that... I've been on six flights over the past couple of weeks. Every flight was smooth, the employees friendly, the whole experience went off without a hitch. Except for one thing.

The carry-on bags have gotten WAY out of hand.

Most airlines are charging to check bags these days -- it's normally between $15 and $25 for the first checked bag. So people are trying to stuff everything into the overhead compartment -- full-size bags, steamer trunks, teenage children, etc. Every airline has that little bracket at the gate, where you're supposed to see if your carry-on fits the standard, but nobody ever uses it and the people at the gate never ask.

It takes forever to get all the bags jammed in the overhead. But it's worse when the plane lands -- all anybody wants to do at that point is GET OFF THE PLANE, but we have to wait for everybody in front of us to de-wedge their carry-ons out of the compartment. And there's always that one guy who has a seat up front but has to stow his bag in the back because there's no overhead room; when the plane lands he has to swim against the flow to retrieve his bag, like a spawning salmon. Except that nobody hates salmon and EVERYBODY hates this guy.

So here's my proposal: Make every checked bag free. But start charging $25 a bag for carry-ons.

I'm sure many of you have lost-luggage horror stories. But the odds of the airline losing your luggage is small; if we let everybody carry on 100 pounds of luggage, the hassle is guaranteed. And airlines can already check your bag at the gate and give it back to you as you get off the plane -- they did it on our Delta flights last weekend, when it was clear there was too much baggage for the overheads.

Our flight to Dallas a couple of weeks ago was overbooked. After the plane filled up, one of the flight attendants asked for volunteers to give up their seats (in exchange for a free-trip voucher).
A guy across from us jumped up to volunteer. He opened the overhead bin, grabbed his bag and yanked it out -- without realizing that somebody else had crammed a laptop bag on top of his. The laptop fell out and cracked another passenger on the back of the neck.

Of course the guy who yanked his bag out should've been assessed with a Doofus Fee of, say, $500. But it wouldn't have been an issue if people didn't feel the need to stuff their worldly possessions in the overhead bin. The airlines are charging for the wrong bags. They've got it backwards.

Still, remember: You're sitting in a CHAIR. In the SKY.

Butler-Duke -- best matchup since Magic-Bird

There have been a lot of amazing Final Four championship games over the years. But they're not usually SUPPOSED to be amazing.

Everybody thought Georgetown would crush Villanova in '85; 'Nova shot 90 percent in the second half to win. Everybody thought Houston would pound N.C. State in '83, especially after Houston beat Louisville in the semis in one of the most entertaining games in basketball history. Here's a little taste, from the long-lost Bennie Anders:



But in the final, Houston missed its free throws and Lorenzo Charles was standing under the basket and Jim Valvano got to run around looking for someone to hug.

The point is, the hype usually comes after the game, not before. But this year is different. Not only has little Butler made it all the way to the edge of history, it gets its chance against Duke -- one of the half-dozen best college programs, and definitely the most polarizing.

I think this is the most fascinating matchup in the title game since Larry Bird (and Indiana State) vs. Magic Johnson (and Michigan State) in 1979. As it turned out, that wasn't all that good a game -- Michigan State held the lead most of the game and Indiana State could never draw even. Most people think the same thing will happen tonight. Duke's too big, too strong, too experienced. If they shoot like they did Saturday against West Virginia, it's a blowout.

But let me just throw out a couple of things:

1) Going into the tournament, I thought there were five teams better than Duke: Kansas, Ohio State, Kentucky, Syracuse and Kansas State. Butler has already beaten the last two of those to get here.

2) Duke is better at one thing than anybody else in the country: halfcourt offense. But Butler is also better at one thing than anybody else in the country: halfcourt defense. Their nine-man rotation includes five guys 6-3 and under who contest every pass, slap at every dribble, get in the face of every shot. Duke hasn't played any defense as good -- or as annoying -- as Butler.

Plus, as I tweeted last night, Butler has Shawn Vanzant. Any team that has somebody who shares a name (sort of) with the leader of Lynyrd Skynyrd is a team I'm gonna root for.

It's going to happen. Butler 58, Duke 54.